Sometimes you wonder if companies like EarthLink actually read messages, then you read theirs and you find out that they do not.

On 8/14/05 at 5:02 PM, pscservice@corp.earthlink.net wrote:

Dear Matt,

Thank you for contacting us.

I understand that you wish to cancel the account.

Dear "Neil":

Thanks for writing back, but not for absolutely failing to read the previous letter or solve the problem.

It is good that you "understand" that I wish to cancel my account, especially since I said "CANCEL THE ACCOUNT," in all capital letters (just like that), twice in the previous message. In fact, you quoted the message in your own, so I know it was on your screen. I would be quite worried for you if you could not "understand" my wish after reading the message.

Upon checking the records, I see that there is no information on your account regarding any call made for cancellation. It means that there are no contacts made to cancel the account. Hence, the account is still active and is being billed.

Ooooh, sadly, no. As I clearly wrote in my message:

In fact, on Saturday, July 30, at 1:27 PM CDT, one of your representatives called me, and called me "ma'am" for that matter. The caller ID read 866-362-4566, which is an EarthLink number. I told her to cancel the account and not to call again.

I see you do not deny that this phone number belongs to EarthLink, or that your representative called me on that date and at that time. It is not my problem or concern that, when I told your representative to cancel the account, she did the equivalent of putting her fingers in her ears and chanting "LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU." There was telephone contact with me, and I told her to cancel the account.

If you wish to cancel the account, you need to call our Customer Service Department on phone at 1-888-EarthLink. Please note that whenever customer calls for cancellation, the account will be cancelled and a confirmation number will be given to the customer in this regard.

Again, this is incorrect. I do not "need" to call your customer service department because you wish to make me jump through hoops to avoid sending you money for a service I do not use. I have told you in several legally-binding ways to cancel the account, including again, in this message, with my PGP digital signature. If you attempt to bill me for it again, I shall contact the authorities.

Also, note that as per the policies, we are not authorized to cancel the account online via Email or Live chat, we cannot provide you any further assistance in this regard, and you need to call.

There's already been telephone contact, but you've chosen to ignore it. I, in turn, choose not to waste an hour of my day navigating EarthLink's phone tree or being told that I can't cancel until I listen to a 15-minute sales pitch on why I shouldn't.

I do not "need" to call. EarthLink needs to stop attempting to bill me for a service I have cancelled. You do not have a valid credit card for my account, and you're not getting one, now or in the future. Based on this level of customer service, if I ever need dial-up in the future, I will sooner strap a modem to a carrier pigeon than attempt to find help at EarthLink.

Hope the above information is of help to you.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Neil V 2189
EarthLink Electronic Customer Support
EarthLink, Inc.

If you think there's any patience or understanding here, you have not understood any of what I've told you.

You know, if it were me, I would have a hard time sleeping at night knowing that my job is trying to force customers to pay for a service they neither want nor need, ignoring their legally-binding cancellations in the forsaken hope of squeezing another $20 out of them, and pushing them to waste their valuable time in a phone system designed to make them give up hope. I'd have real difficulty getting up every morning if it was my job to try to trick people out of their money.

I am pleased that this dilemma does not seem to have affected more than your reading comprehension. Please accept my best wishes for your long-term mental health.

Fun enough, but all the time I have to spend on this. They don't have a valid credit card and they're not getting one. If I hadn't tried twice to cancel it by phone and had to give up after 20 minutes each time, they might have a point. But probably not.

On 8/14/05 at 12:03 PM, pscservice@corp.earthlink.net wrote:

We would like to inform you, EarthLink does not accept email cancellations of services. The reason for this is to protect our members from fraudulent changes to their account. We must be very careful about giving out sensitive information online or making changes to your account without the proper verification first.

If you wish to cancel your account, you have two options:

1) You may call our Customer Service department at 1-888-EarthLink, (7am- Midnight EST M-F, and 8am-10pm EST Sat/Sun)

2) You may cancel by registered or certified mail, return receipt requested addressed to:

EarthLink Inc.;
1375 Peachtree Street, Level A
Atlanta, GA 30309

Accounts are set to close at the end of the current cycle. We don't prorate charges.

This, of course, is a complete and total lie.

I can authenticate to my EarthLink account over SSL and change my credit card information, and give you new credit card information. Yet you do not provide the choice to cancel, even though such a choice does not require providing you with any credit card information at all.

The reason you won't let me cancel online has nothing to do with "protecting" me from fradulent charges, and has everything to do with your pathetic attempts to charge people for services they don't want.

You don't want me to cancel my account online because you want to make it as inconvenient as possible to do so. You want to put me on hold for 10-15 minutes as you did last time I tried this, and then want to try to talk me out of it for another ten minutes.

And yet despite this "concern" on EarthLink's part, your representatives have called me fifty-three times trying to get a new credit card out of me for an account I've tried to cancel. In fact, on Saturday, July 30, at 1:27 PM CDT, one of your representatives called me, and called me "ma'am" for that matter. The caller ID read 866-362-4566, which is an EarthLink number. I told her to cancel the account and not to call again.

I told her that because most of those 53 calls were using either disguised caller ID (a toll-free number with no name), or missing caller ID, or in a few cases fraudulent caller ID. Two were from "EARTHLINK" with a number of 000-000-0000, and several appeared to have my own telephone number as the calling number. How you folks have managed to avoid massive federal indictments is beyond me.

Nonetheless, as you see, I have told your representatives over the phone to cancel the account. I've told you online, and have attempted to do so through your secure, authenticated site that you find secure enough to accept credit card information and changes to my account, but not secure enough to cancel the service.

Get over yourselves. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. You do not have a valid credit card number for my account and you're not getting one. I've told EarthLink several times to cancel the account and stop harrassing me by E-mail and telephone. If you continue to ignore my rights as a consumer, I may hold EarthLink, and every individual who has harrassed me individually, legally responsible for their actions.

I do not have to put up with your sales pitch to cancel my account, I do not have to send you certified mail with return receipt requested, and I do not have to lose any sleep before hauling your asses to court.

CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. Bother me again at your own risk.

Sent this afternoon. I didn't tell them I was blogging it. They'd probably call about 100 times asking what that meant.