…is Juim Guigli of Carmichael, CA, who penned this potboiler:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

"The judges were impressed by his appalling powers of invention," said the guy who runs the contest. Full results later today.