You know, here.

Update: Oh, lord, someone get the AP a dictionary:

Ratings weren't available Sunday night, but the unexpected and riveting game was sure to mean exceptional viewership retention through the broadcast. Losing viewers is always a matter of chance with Super Bowls, which often are blowouts.

"Unexpected and riveting game?" AP's Jake Coyle thinks that the Super Bowl was a surprise? "'Well, Jake, we were just expecting a nice quiet night in an empty stadium,' said security guard Hank Croyle. 'Boy, were we ever surprised when the AFC and NFC champions plus 100,000 fans showed up this afternoon! We almost didn't get the nachos broiled!'"

Shoot me now. I mean, it was in all the papers and the TV Guide and everything…